You know you've lived in China too long when...
-someone says ’snack’, you think: salted cuttlefish.
-The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.
-You stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to plan your day.
-You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply “Up To You”.
-Hookers buy you drinks.
-You get your first case of bronchitus and you have never smoked a cigarette in your life.
-You can swear in 3 different dialects.
-You stop enjoying telling newcomers to China “all about China”.
-You are not surprised to wake up in the morning and find that the woman who stayed over last night has completely cleaned your apartment, even though you’ll probably never ever meet her again.
- you think it’s alright to stick your head into a stranger’s apartment to see if anybody’s home.
-You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.
-Smoking is one of the dinner courses.
-You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.
-Chinese stop you on the street to ask for directions.
People who haven’t seen you for months don’t ask where you’ve been.
-Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.
-Pizza just doesn’t taste right unless there’s sweet corn on it.
-Eating at “Western” restaurants, you wait until after dessert to drink your soup.
-You can make elevators go faster by boarding first and taking over the controls.
-You (men) roll your shirt up to your nipples.
-You have a purse and you are male.
-You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes.
-You get offended when people admire your chopsticks skills.
-You cannot say “Call me.” without making a pretend phone with your fingers and sticking to your ear.
-You think your nose IS kind of big.
-You forgot the real purpose of the mirrors in the car.
-You think the head light for the car is only to see the street so it’s more save to switch on the high beam always.
-You start to enjoy warm beer.
-You think that Yao Ming is the best basketball player in the NBA.
-You instinctviely shake out your clothes before wearing to remove any dust from drying on your balcony.
-You don’t blink an eye when a complete stranger wants to take a photo of
you with his family.
-You know the words to all the KTV songs (English and Chinese).
-You start correcting Southerners on their Putonghua.
-When you can’t imagine a meal without yi wan mi fan! (a bowl of rice).
-When you go back to your home country and you find it odd that when going out to a restaurant, you don’t have 5 wait staff welcoming you at the same time.
-You find it strange when everyone’s food at a restaurant is brought out at the same time.
I think this is hillarious, cause it's all true. :)
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Hey, I love that, got some more:
-you answer your phone with "waiiiii"
-you say "aiya" frequently
-you cross highways without looking
-you think seatbelts are sort of uncomfortable
haha that's so funny...
yeah I can't imagine to not smoke everywhere u want in Europe anymore...
Oh dear, I have been in china too long!
Also:
No need for headlights as the street lights are on.
No need for a hanky, hack it up with the roar of a male lion and spit.
Empty fag packs and like packaging should be held just above waist level and deftly flicked away with contempt.
Always walk in a straight line for people coming towards you they will give way.
Always weave across the pavement when someone is behind you trying to get past.
Always walk through the middle of any group.
In confined spaces shout on the phone to ensure no one misses your important information.
At door apartment block security doors wait for someone else to key it open and push through before them.
In banks make enquiries to the cashier whilst they are serving someone else.
Walking in the road is safer than the pavement.
Food tastes better when you make loud slurping or eating noises.
Conversation is more sociable with half a bowl of rice in your mouth.
You push other people's shopping trolleys out of your path.
You are used to the wait when the shop attendant goes next door to get your change.
You wear supermarket shopping bags in your fake Gucci shoes to act as wellington boots.
"Aiya!!!"
You think it's normal to go out with Chinese friends and you are home in bed at 9pm
When driving, turn indicators are optional and it's ok
When you start taking naps at lunchtime at work
You go to a "night club" and you play that dice game all night and enjoy it
When the Filipino band is the best western music you have heard in a long time
You start using toilet paper as dinner napkins at home.
You cut people off while driving and hardly notice.
You are no longer phased by oncoming traffic when you are the one going the right way on a one way road.
You start making U-turns instead of going around the round-a-bout.
You no longer wait for the green arrow before making a left turn.
You can no longer remember what the lines on the road are actually for and think they must just be for decoration.
You get to your home country and get a ticket for driving wrecklessly and wonder why.
You think its ok to belch in public
you check the banknotes as if they are all false
you pass in front of someone taking a pic
you try to get out of the planes before that they open the doors
you check the laptop monitor of the lao wai besides you
you don(t mind to be 200 people into a little swimming pool
you hate Michael Phelps
You think it's perfectly normal to spit your fish bones out on the carpeted floor of the restaraunt.
You begin to think that: traffic lights, lane markers, pedestrian crossings, "no left turn" signs, and "no parking" signs are for reference only.
You begin to wonder "Where can I get a good, tasty dish of St. Bernard in this town?"
You think that whatever accumulates in your nose is a crop to be harvested... in public.
You think that copyrights and patents are just a western joke.
You can't understand why people give you nasty looks when you smoke in an elevator or a hospital room.
You think that the open window in your room IS the trash bin.
You are convinced that EVERYONE you talk to on the phone is hard of hearing.
You don't understand why western countries put seams in the seats of their toddler's trousers.
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Up until now, I've had more problems in my life than a cub scout at the Neverland Ranch...
you think peeing in the open in a park is ok
you think Chinese fashion is lovely
you think hacking up a loogie is a good thing
ohhh... you go home for thanksgiving and spit out a turkey bone and everyone gasps for air